“Ah!.... my children are impossible to live with.”

“I can’t take it anymore; my child is just so difficult to understand. What’s wrong with young people these days?”

If you have said something to that effect, or in some cases, even worse things, you are not alone. Even the best of parents, well-known family psychologists and best-selling authors of the ‘How to books’ have their issues at home, and especially with bringing up their children.

To you, parents and young people reading this note, please allow me to share with you that each of us has two very distinct periods in our lives that we will find most challenging and somewhat difficult to manoeuvre around. The ‘maze’ seems to be endless, and they are:

I. When we are in our own Teenage-years. (By the way, all of us have to pass through them before we get into our adult years, there are no short cuts).

II. When we have Teenagers-at-Home-years. (Those of you with children, your time will come. My wife and I still have two of them at home and one has just passed through that stage; thank God, with minimal hiccup!).

I must thank God that not all young people go through these years with difficulties or give their parents moments of great anxiety. Having said that, however, the majority of us would find this time of our lives most testing for ourselves (as teens) and as parents.

There is this inevitable hormonal-change that takes place in a teenager. I am sure you (adults) still remember those times in your lives…
• Struggling to be independent; having had enough of childhood
• Wanting to express your feelings
• Seeking to be accepted by your peers, wanting to belong.

These are but only some of the struggles in the period of a teenager’s life as they go through the ‘roller-coaster’ years of adolescence. On top of the physical and emotional changes, there is also the relational part. We begin to notice that there are people of the opposite sex, and find them pretty ‘interesting’ as specimens to examine, if you get my drift.

I don’t profess to have the ‘magical’ solution to make it any easier for you and me, as we handle our teenage-children. Neither do I have answers to make your life smoother if you are struggling as a youth flying over this turbulent time.

But what I would like to say to…

Parents: Please offer time-out sessions with your youth at home; to listen to their struggles, their challenges, their difficulties, their failures and short comings. (A word of caution; listen and don’t speak, until it’s your turn to say something; don’t criticize. I am pretty weak here too. Ask my children, they’ll tell you). If you ask them sincerely, your children will tell you, they really want your time and not your money or presents, but your presence!

Teenagers: To have that ‘good parents-and-you kind of relationship’ you must play your part. Keep your cool, be willing to share and talk things out without slamming doors or building barriers between you and your parents. Not everything you desire or want may be good for you at this moment. Learn and uphold respect for your parents.
If you ask your parents sincerely, they will tell you, “It’s because we love you, that’s why….”

Parents don’t give up hope. Remember, you are not struggling alone, we are all in the same boat, learning to manoeuvre through the ‘maze’—one corner at a time. And cover each step you take with fervent prayer. We must bring our children up to love Him and fear Him. We are to be living examples for them to emulate.

May God ‘turn our hearts to our children and the hearts of our children back to us, so that we will worship Him, and He will be our God. And as a family we will uphold His Name in honour, revering Him in all His righteousness. (An adaptation of Malachi 4:6).

Pr At
“2 Love Them is 2 Be There For Them.”

Pastor Aaron Tham is the pastor-in-charge of the Youth & College Ministries